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How to leave a relationship
Every intimate relationship eventually ends, whether it be due to resentment leading to separation or divorce, or death. While the thought of death might seem daunting, in some cases, death can be easier to process than experiencing the heartbreak of rejection. Nevertheless, how a relationship ends will profoundly impact how people can move forward in life and the emotional baggage they carry - trust me - I have a very unique perspective on this topic!
If you are thinking about leaving a relationship, which in some cases is understandable because love also has a life and it can die. People like talking about how to find love and maintain a relationship, but most people don't want to discuss how to end a relationship. In fact, the ending of a relationship is also a paramount topic that we shouldn't ignore or avoid because it's oftentimes necessary and… inevitable.
If a relationship ends, it doesn't mean this relationship has failed.
Every relationship has added some sort of value to your life: A relationship can teach you things, help you grow and give you a new direction in life, although the relationship has ended. Therefore, if a relationship is going to end, please don't drown yourself in your own pity-party; actually, you would be well-advised to focus on what you've learned from your time together and use that to then create the new version of yourself.
When you prioritise learning and growth, you are proactively building a positive mindset in this challenging situation. As a result, you are less likely to feel like a victim who wants to take revenge. That's why seeing the silver lining is essential – it's the prerequisite of ending a relationship gracefully.
How to end a relationship in the right way:
First of all, please always remember that you are the most important person in the universe. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you should be a selfish asshole. I'm just saying you should totally look after your own interest in the first place and seek legal advice to protect your assets if it's necessary.
Second, you have to be fair to your partner. Breaking up is a big decision. If you are 100% sure that this relationship has become hopeless & you must end it, you'd better sit down with your partner and be prepared to have a long, uncomfortable and highly emotional conversation. Is this easy? F*cking hell no it’s NOT. Is it necessary? F*cking hell yes it is. If you’ve spent time and become close to this person, how you gently yet firmly release them back into the dating world needs some consideration.
Let’s pull this apart even further from a receiver or the giver of the breakup.
Suppose you're on the receiving end of a relationship ending. In that case, it's vital to accept that communication will be cut off, patterns will change, and emotions will need to be expressed. Seek support from a therapist, family and friends, but not the person ending the relationship. Although you may want their support, the one who hurt you can't heal you. Consider having someone you trust as a middle person to communicate your feelings and emotions, as they can stay impartial but also be honest with how you're doing. Ultimately, it's best to spend time accepting the reality of the situation rather than longing for what it once was.
If you're the one ending the relationship, it's crucial to be straightforward and own your choices. Avoid giving mixed messages or playing the push-pull game with your decision. Understand that your partner may need time to grieve, as for some, this can be as painful as a loss. Be clear about your decision, and while it's okay to change your mind, giving false hope is cruel. Close the gate and give a genuine explanation, taking full responsibility for your choices without blaming them. Only communicate with the designated person to avoid retraumatizing the other party until they've accepted the changes and made progress in healing and moving forward.
A personal share….
My breakup is the most traumatic experience in my life. I still randomly cry; I still grieve the family I once had; I still feel hurt and it’s so surreal that the deepest pain I have ever experienced has brought me to a place where I am passionate about helping others, and yes as cliche as it sounds, please do not ever dismiss the trauma that sit right under the surface and this is the very reason I only have two methods of delivering information to people: with kindness and compassion, thanks to my ability to empathize deeply with others or the truth isn't always easy to hear, and sometimes it's best served cold.
Sometimes the best decisions in life are the most uncomfortable decisions. However, as long as you make this major decision according to your basic principles such as self-care, generosity and humanity, you will be able to end your relationship with dignity and kindness.
Be gracious. You will thank yourself later.