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"I'm not going to see him again because he didn't answer all my questions in that text message. He is playing mind games."

"He changed the subject when we were talking about previous relationships. I can't trust him."

"I said 'I love you' to her, but she didn't say the same thing back. I won't see her again."

These are just some reasons why people that I know don't want to start new relationships.

But what is a red flag? And... what is not?

start a new relationship

Noticing real red flags VS being petty

The most effective way to identify red flags is knowing your standards. This is the most fundamental principle in dating and relationships.

A red flag in this relationship isn't necessarily a red flag in that relationship. For example, sleeping with someone else is obviously a red flag in a monogamous relationship. However, it's not a red flag in an open relationship. That's why you have to know your standards.

When something doesn't feel right, ask yourself, "Does this violate my non-negotiable standard?"

The importance of your non-negotiables:

If you have a list of 10 standards when it comes to looking for love, that might become a wish list, so you have to be realistic.

My suggestion is to pick 2 or 3 items as your non-negotiables, e.g., kindness and generosity. The rest should be negotiable. In this way, you'll be able to give yourself enough chance to find love.

As to looking for a relationship, here is the ultimate advice: At the beginning, you'd better be open to more options (you are happy to meet and get to know more people). Then you become more careful in terms of whom you invest in. That's how you maximise your chance.

The right relationship isn't brittle.

When you start a new relationship, for some reason it has ended and you spend days or even weeks wondering what you've done wrong. But in truth, it doesn't really matter whether you accidentally said something wrong or not because the right relationship isn't brittle.

Believe in love. Trust the right relationship. Have faith in yourself.


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