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Why Are Men Checking Out? Let's Address the Real Issue!
So, I joined this Facebook Group for women, and OMG, did it open my eyes! It made me realise we must show even more compassion towards men because they are not always the problem. It's the unrealistic societal expectations that weigh on all of us.
Let's cut the man-blaming and man-shaming nonsense. It's unfair, unhelpful, and doesn't benefit anyone, including our children to deem every man as toxic, a red-flag or that his feeling don't matter. In my experience, people don't go from being someone that you enjoyed, fell in love with, potentially married or had children with and created a home together with and then all of a sudden this same person some how becomes the worse human on the face of the earth. We need to promote understanding, empathy, and open communication for everyone involved in relationships. Let's not be swayed by judgmental randoms projecting their opinions from behind a screen and a couch, pretending to they're Dr Phil while handing out matches to set our relationships on fire. It's time to reflect on our own behaviour before pointing fingers. It's time to break free from harmful stereotypes and embrace a more compassionate and inclusive mindset.
He's not emotionally unavailable, men feel everything, they just express it differently!
Here's a story from a client of mine. She was all worked up because her partner didn't want to go out for dinner and go shopping on Friday night. She thought he must be emotionally unavailable, a narcissist, or a gaslighting. But let's pause for a moment. Maybe he didn't want to do what she wanted him to do. It's as simple as that.
Not getting what you want doesn't make him immature. He's a grown man, not a child. You have the right to say no; his no should not be seen as dismissive. Let's remember that perspective and understand that differences in desires or decisions don't diminish his maturity.
Now, let's get to the real reasons why men disengage.
It's not because they are inherently flawed or problematic. It's because societal expectations make it challenging for men to express their emotions openly. He's seen as a baby when he tells you he's hurting. When he gets angry, he's seen as aggressive. When he goes along with things to avoid an argument, he's avoidant....for fuck sake! And, let's remember that most men lacked good role models for healthy emotional connection. And the constant finger-pointing of men-blaming and men-shaming doesn't help either. When men constantly hear negative labels, they tend to disengage and protect themselves because he's in a double bind, he's damned if he does, and he's damned if he doesn't - he can't win!
So, how do we change the dynamics?
Positive reinforcement is the key! But here's the game-changer: Let's stop with the unfair judgments and start having uncomfortable yet compassionate conversations, making workable agreements, and supporting BOTH people's needs. I teach these skills in The Give and Take Experience to help create an atmosphere of mutual respect and understanding.
And ladies, if a man has chosen to be by your side, treat him like a king, not a naughty child. That's where the real sexy lies! Let's redefine relationships and create harmonious connections based on acceptance, communication, and genuine love, especially around children whose parents are negotiating co-parenting; by the way, if you use your children to hurt the other parent - you are the shit human. It's time to ditch the blame game and embrace a more compassionate approach.
