Updated: Aug 16
The reality of giving and receiving within a romantic partnership.
A sustainable relationship can’t be a one-way street, so everyone has to give and receive in a healthy relationship. But can you give and receive at the same time?
No, you can’t give and receive at the same time.
In reality, you are either putting your desires forward (to benefit yourself - to receive) or aside (to benefit someone else - to give), but you can’t do them both at the same time in a relationship.
The person who receives it probably feels satisfied in a happy relationship, which is quite obvious. But as a matter of fact, in a good relationship the person who gives also feels satisfied because wanting to be loved is human nature & wanting to love someone is also human nature. That’s why while giving someone good value, the giver is satisfied as well in a successful relationship.
The most common issue regarding giving and receiving:
When a couple walks out of the divorce court, both of them are saying, “I’ve given you all.” S
Sadly, quite often people say they are giving, yet truthfully, they are giving what they want to give instead of what their partner wants to receive – which is very different.
When both individuals believe they're giving, neither person receives, and a resentment cycle can emerge. Often, people's efforts remain unnoticed, acknowledged mainly by themselves. Many people keep a running tally sheet or ledger that they want to be counterbalanced, leaving both people feeling unappreciated, unloved and empty. But appreciation can't be expressed for something undesired. For example, it's like making coffee when one craves tea - expecting gratitude doesn't align. Similarly, why assume that mere intimacy implies mutual desire, it doesn't and it's a mistake to assume it does?
Do you really, truly, deeply understand your partner?
Are you fully aware of your partner’s needs?
What does your partner actually want to receive?
If you give your partner lots of gifts but your partner wants to receive quality time, then no matter how many gifts you give your partner, chances are your partner won’t be realistically satisfied. Yes, gifts make you very happy, but what makes your partner absolutely happy?
You are a giver – this is definitely admirable. Meanwhile, please note that what you give has to be the same as what your partner would like to receive. So, it’s very important to have honest conversations with your partner.
How to be a wonderful receiver:
If you're one of the fortunate souls who receive abundant value from your partner, treasure it sincerely by showing your appreciation and praising them enthusiastically and expressively, don't just brush their efforts off.
Avoid being the one who takes without a second thought, exploiting your partner's kindness with the self-serving notion of, "If I can get this, what else can I get?" or assuming the relationship is effortlessly smooth, relieving you of the need to invest effort.
Remember, the Law of Reciprocity is no mere myth: Life echoes back what you put forth. Never underestimate the intelligence of those who give.
A remarkable receiver not only treasures what they receive but delights in it, ready to mirror the generosity. It's the key to sparking a virtuous cycle in relationships that stand the test of time.