Updated: Aug 20
In terms of dating, relationships and sexuality, Tantra has become a frequent topic of discussion recently. But how effective is Tantra in reality? Here’s my take on Tantra and Sacred Sexuality (100% honest opinions)! 😊
• My love/hate relationship with Tantra and their teachers:
I love some Tantric practices and what they can bring to a romantic relationship. It’s a very useful technique that can help two people connect with each other physically, mentally and spiritually and they can certain bring some deeply connected and amazing 'moments'.
But I get quite annoyed by the label of being Tantric and how we are 'sold' the 'how to be in a Tantric or conscious relationship' but you never read on the pamphlet how Tantra also can breed Tantric-fuckwits, Tantric-floozy's and Tantric-flakes & it can also places extremely high expectations when it comes to what is and isn’t tantric, sacred or conscious.
Frankly, I refuse to use words like “masculine” and “feminine” because even though all Tantra teachers make you aware that we have both (which we do), it’s the looseness and vagueness and the gender conations behind these type of fluff-words that can also create more confusion especially on how to authentically support each other needs when feeling vulnerable, so we're left guessing, blaming and confused.
I am yet to meet a man who would be comfortable verbally asking a women to please be in her masculine energy for them so they can be in their feminine energy. And, although this is perfectly OK - it's not likely!
Now, I’m aligned with masculine and feminine from a sexual sense because someone prefers to penetrate and someone prefers to be penetrated – this isn’t the same as sexual orientation; it’s more about a sexual preference. Makes sense to me and I appreciate and can clearly distinct the difference when love making or connecting sexually.
• In actuality, this is how Tantra can help people:
Think of your relationship as an indoor plant. The first thing you need to do is to make sure the environment is suitable for this plant to thrive on its own. The things you need to consider are: How much water is the best & what type of sunlight is going to be ideal. You can’t give this plant not enough or too much of either. The environment needs to be just right; otherwise, the plant will definitely suffer.
Realistically, Tantra is like the fertilizer which can only help a plant (the relationship) if the environment is right.
No amount of fertilizer is going to help a plant that isn’t getting enough water or is getting too much sunlight – The plant (the relationship) will still suffer even with lots of fertilizer. The fertilizer is only useful when the plant is in an optimum environment where the fertilizer is not necessary but it does help make it flourish because the environment is already strong.
• The unorthodox conclusion:
I have a love/hate relationship with Tantra, yet deep down I love a lot of the Tantric practices. Having said that, I do not believe Tantra will help people build deeper relationships unless the relationship (the indoor plant) is already thriving. What’s more, many people get sucked into (I know I did) “Tantric Sex” and are being taught by overly sexualized, mentally unstable people “promising” hot sex, strong men, flowing women and deep relating - we all want that. The teachers who made the biggest impact with me never used the word Tantra to sell tickets. However, when the relationship itself is in trouble, Tantra isn’t a crisis management tool. And, that's the truth.
Remember: a healthy relationship is the prerequisite of benefiting from Tantra.