Updated: Feb 19
What stops us from having conversations that will give us the truth? Even if you don't like what you hear, at least you'll know.
The significant factor to building open, honest, connected and authentic relationships is the ability and the safety to have awkward but important conversations. These conversations create growth and change as individuals to then deepen meaningful relationships.
I have created an event called CONNECTED. It is a blueprint that I teach to help you understand how to have these conversations and be heard as intended. It helps people be courageous, be vulnerable, and empower yourself to have an uncomfortable discussion without worrying whether it will offend them or push them away. Once you're able to determine 'who' the interaction is for and 'what' they need, together, you can negotiate what each person can do to support their partner while respecting their limits. This way, you can process the answer without feeling rejected because a 'no' is not always a rejection.
The ability to ask uncomfortable questions is one of the most attractive qualities to create safety, honesty and reliable connections. Observing whether people lean into or moves away from you when you bring things up will tell you a lot about your unity.
The key to vulnerability is sharing how it made you feel – without implying that they did something wrong. A typical mistake: We often focus on WHO is the problem, not WHAT is the problem.
When people focus on 'who' instead of 'what' is the problem will usually turn into the never-ending argument becuase when you can't agree on the problem how can you focus on the solutation. When people focus on 'who' is the problem why would you be surprise that they want to defend or justify themselves, I know I would and do. Unless you're in a toxic relationship I am sure your partner isn't intentially wanting to cause you unhappiness and dissatisfaction.
People can be relationship ready without being a great communicator – as long as that quality is something they care about because they understand that we all have different needs regarding communication, s*x and the freedom to be an individual.
Awkward but meaningful conversations create a great opportunity to find out what kind of connection you have. The indicator is how they respond and if you feel safer and closer to him/her or make you feel less comfortable.
The next step is your ability to listen, comprehend, acknowledge and 'support' your partner's needs. We often mistake permission with support, saying 'yes' you can do that does NOT mean you're supporting your partner because they shouldn't have to ask for permission to do anything. Support is when you compassionately understand the request and then make a plan become a reality. If you're unable to do what is being asked of you, that's OK too. The same awkward but important conversation needs to be had in return so that both people's needs are being heard and respected.
Big hugs and big loves,