Updated: Aug 4
A personal share of the night I had mind-blowing sex with a man I didn't even know!
Sex is sacred.
Sex is self-love.
Sex is a pleasure.
Sex is fun.
Sex is beautiful.
Sex is hot as well as sensual.
Sex is a HUGE part of an intimate relationship.
Sex can be boring.
Sex can be pointless.
Sex can be painful.
Sex can leave you feeling empty.
Sex can be unfulfilling
Sex can feel like a task.
The act is the same. So, how do we have mind-blowing sex?
I was in my mid 30's when I had my first mind-blowing sexual connection experience that changed my life, and it was with someone I barely knew, and we were not in a loving or long term relationship. Yet, this night was so deeply profound that I cried for days in complete confusion about how this man and the sex we had made me feel. It was far from what movies depict, with two people orgasming together who then fall in a heap on the floor covered in sweat and panting like they've run a marathon.
Nope, this was nothing like that. He touched me slowly. He penetrated me slowly. He was controlled. I felt deeply relaxed and safe. I felt like we were melting into one another. He wasn't about the clitoris. We were more intense than that. I experienced my first full-body orgasm, and I felt the effects for days...yes, I said, for days!
AND, IT BLEW MY MIND…
It happened by accident as part of my Somatic Sexology studies. Our assignment was we had to receive Erotic Massage/s, but we had to stipulate how we wanted to be touched, and our boundaries had to be very clear. Sounds easy enough. So, I put together an email to my practice partner, who had volunteered, but we had never met. He was aware that this was part of my studies and not personal so there was NO genital touch and NO sex. He was to follow all the instructions and respect my boundaries. If it was a clear boundary that we were not to have sex, how did this night become one of the most memorable sexual experiences?
How did this one night change my entire view on touch, intimacy and sex?
For the first time in my life, I requested exactly how I wanted my body to be touched and what I wanted right down to the temperature of the room. The assignment was to receive, so this was about me and I allowed myself to do just that - ask for what "I" wanted. I made my boundaries heard, and he agreed to honour them. Deep down, I didn't have much faith that he would honour them. I assumed he would 'accidentally' cross a boundary to touch where he shouldn't, and I was ready for it. Well, that's what I had experienced entire of my life and as a naked woman, asking for erotic touch as if that cheeky slip of the finger wasn't going to happen...BUT IT DIDN'T!
As per my instruction he was to leave the room after a maximum of one hour and give me 15-mins to get dressed. When he left the room, I realised that he never crossed a boundary, not once. My heart was smashed open, my body was so melty, soft, relaxed, and feminine and full, and I felt utterly SAFE. He created this sincere safety by NOT ONCE crossing a boundary and only gave what I asked for, no more and no less. For the first time in my life, I felt honoured, respected and completely loved by a man I didn't even know.
My body was a full fuck yes and I wanted to have sex with him, but he said 'no'; it wasn't part of the assignment.
OMG, his integrity made me DESIRE him even more. Now, this took my sexual attraction towards him to a whole next level. My BODY and now my HEART were a complete 'fuck yes'. I yearned to feel this man and touch his body. I desired him. I was excited. I wanted his cock so bad.
The room went silent; he walked towards me and kissed me.
This night transformed my life, and my perspective on men and sex changed forever.
Since that night, my body instantly reacts, softens and opens when I am in the presence of a 'good' man, one who demonstrates the highest integrity. And, I shut down when I'm not or I am being sexually objectified (even jokingly), not seen as an equal or even human for that matter because I know I'm in the presence of a little boy in a man's body.
It's not a trendy hair cut, fancy clothes or a muscles in a man - it's his integrity.
My view has completely change towards 'good' men, their cock, and their ability to determine how powerful their sex is in a whole new light. I don't see just nakedness any more when in the company of a 'good' man. I can see and feel his potential influence, his strength, his honour, his trust and integrity that only certain men can give, and it's potent as fuck and such a turn on.
This man was able to bring something out in me that I'd never experienced, even after being in a long-term committed relationship. This was about my body and my want to be with him. I didn't care what I looked like, if I was doing it right or if he liked it - the bloody house could have been burning down, and we would NOT have stopped. From then on, I started to honour the power and depth of sex fully. Instead of shying away from it, I began to desire it, need it, crave it, and good sex now makes me feel fully seen, loved, supported , sexy, alive and whole.
I learned that a woman can only become a powerful receiver of sexual pleasure from feeling SAFE. A good man sexual energy can transfer this potent energy into your life, work, your capability, imagination, and your ability to be available in life as a well fucked and loving woman. You become a magnet to your desires because you're coming from a place of abundance, not lack, fake, forced or performing.
I must confess, and I do quietly hope that Mr J.H. reads this journal and realises the significant role he played in changing my life.