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Australians pride themselves on being easy-going, laid-back and cruisey. However, if you’re treating your intimate relationship in the same manner, your easy-going nature will over time turn you into a pain in the arse! Just sayin’ ...
Being ‘easy going’ can sometimes feel like you just don’t give a shit and, if you don’t give a shit, then can it be a fulfilling relationship? If one person is constantly making the big decisions and handle the day to day hurdles and hiccups in life for the other person (household, family and friends), it feels less like a partnership and more like parenting a childlike adult. If a relationship feels like this, don’t be surprised if sexual attraction falls to the wayside.
Now, I’m not talking about whether you’re having sauce on your hot-dog here! I am looking at the bigger picture, referring to decisions that involve the future and the togetherness as partners. Let me explain.....here’s a couple of scenarios for you to consider.....
If one person feels that they run the house/family, feels like they’re the managing director of the day to day goings on while simultaneously juggling work, family and other commitments but then, when wanting input about the direction and the needs of their partner in this context, they’re met with ‘do what ever you want honey, I want what you want’...
Or, if one person feels that they are always initiating and instigating when it comes to the intimacy and sexy times within the bedroom, and when wanting input about the direction and the needs of their partner in this context, they’re met with ‘do what ever you want honey, I want what you want’... In these scenarios, the onus can feel like one person must take control and guess that they’d be making the right decision and, if things don’t work out as planned, the sensation of having let the other person down and feeling responsible can be a really real thing.
Can you see where I am going here?! If you don’t learn skills to clear up your communication resentment will sneak into your relating. You’re going to end up with two people feeling quite alone in different parts of a connection within relationships.
Easy-going people within intimate relationships can actually be a pain in the arse!
How can we become clearer on what we want? This is a skill that needs to be learned as our human default settings are to be nice and easy-going (both completely overrated in my opinion). Don’t misunderstand me as I am absolutely not saying to be mean or nasty! I am saying that by being nice and easy-going may contribute to not getting your needs met because you’re not asking for them - are you?!
Your partner is a lot of things but mind-reading, is NOT one of them.
We teach people how to ask for what they want. When people understand how to ask for their needs without it sounding like a demand or feeling like a burden, it really is gifting your partner the opportunity to do something nice for you, knowing that that is actually what you want.
