Updated: Aug 16
ORGASMS AREN'T ALWAYS A GOOD THING...
If you require your partner to orgasm, your EGO is at play. I get it; most people enjoy witnessing and seeing their partners in the deep throws of passion and ecstasy, and many people pride themselves on it and even boast and brag!
It's impossible to be a so-called giver in the bedroom if you also need your skills and your ego as a lover validated.
Honestly, when orgasms are a must or required, sex can then feel like a task, performance or chore. And, this is why people fake pleasure which creates a disconnect and disinterest.
If you took orgasm off the table as an indicator of sexual satisfaction, would you still be a good lover?!
You can have GREAT sex without an orgasm and SH!T sex with one...
If you tell yourself that you 'always MAKE your partner cum before you do.' Trust me, and this is NOT seen as good for some people.
Focusing on orgasm creates a massive expectation to perform and ultimately why people fake it:
It puts pressure on one person to deliver the response or reaction not to offend hence why it's easier to say 'I'm cumming' so you can get it over and done with.
Good sex is never about performing.
And, there are SO many different kinds of orgasms that you can feel in the body and relying solely on clitoral and ejaculatory are both based on the 'outer body.'
Putting pressure on yourself or your partner doesn't help you orgasm or enjoy the connection. Frankly, it does the opposite because now what should be fun now becomes a task.
Now, I'm not saying orgasms aren't incredible. Go nuts - knock yourself out, but they certainly are NOT required to have an extraordinary sexual experience with a person.
When our bodies become excited, I often need 'less touch' NOT faster, stronger or more intense. So, working out how your partner's body can relax while aroused is how sexual satisfaction is felt for days, not 3 to 4 seconds of involuntary waves of pleasure.
The various other orgasms that people can feel are:
* Emotional; * Cervical; * Nipple; * Prostate/anal;
Focus more on enjoyment, pleasure and being present and connecting on ALL the levels of erotic connection - regardless of the outcome. Good sex as more to do with what you do and how you are OUT of the bedroom than 3 to 5 seconds of involuntary convulsions of the ecstasy and erotic sensations.