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Communication Styles in Romantic Relationships: How to ask for what you want & need

Romantic relationships are supposed to be enjoyable and a place where you feel supported both emotionally and physically. But in reality, many relationships are very stressful and most people don’t really know why. Further analysis reveals that there are three common communication styles in romantic relationships:

Communication Style 1: Submissive - “the people pleaser”


A submissive person tends to hide their feelings and thoughts. They behave in a very passive manner. Without showing how they actually feel, they usually experience burn-out, upset or even resentful. When it comes to the dynamics in a romantic relationship, the submissive person often gets their partner to make decisions on their behalf. Sadly, this just makes them less empowered (& often hopeless).


This relationship can also feel more like a parent/child dynamic - which is NOT sexy!


Communication Style 2: Authentic & Assertive - “being polite VS being kind”


Truthfully, this is the healthiest style because it’s the ideal way to interact with people. Yes, when two individuals share their thoughts and feelings respectfully and honestly, they can truly support each other and build a sustainable relationship. Both people are effective listeners and can understand each other if two people in a relationship have an assertive communication style. They understand that both peoples opinions need to be voiced and heard.


This relationship feels like you’re accepted and supported and growth and change are welcome because you both respect each other as individuals as well. 


Communication Style 3: Aggressive - “my way or the highway” 


People who have this communication style assert themselves in a very powerful way (oftentimes too powerful). A person like this dominates conversations in a relationship. At times, this is actually a way to mitigate their insecurity, uncertainty as well as inner fear. If two people in a romantic relationship both have this style, it’s probably impossible for this couple to be together forever.


This relationship can make one person often feel like they’re SACRIFICING, which is very much different from compromising. 


Note that some people are passive-aggressive, which is even worse, because a passive-aggressive communication style is very tricky – you don’t even know what they are really thinking of at all and they make you feel terrible. A passive-aggressive style in a relationship literally depletes the trust. A lot of people are involved in affairs, financial infidelity as well as revenge spending – further examination shows that passive-aggressive communication style is the root cause of those problems. In other words, their issues are the symptoms of their long-term problematic communication.


Ideally, everyone should be assertive as well as knowing the difference between being ‘polite’ and being ‘kind’, you can be assertive and kind. But realistically, a large number of individuals are either submissive, aggressive or passive-aggressive. It doesn’t necessarily mean many people are evil; it only means not everyone knows how to communicate with their partners effectively because communication in your love life isn’t a subject which was taught at school or university. Therefore, if you think you aren’t the best communicator, it’s not your fault. You only did what you could with what you knew at that time.

Learning how to communicate takes a lot more than saying or telling someone ‘you need to learn how to communicate’. What needs to be taught is a clear and clean way of understanding who is giving and who is receiving so that you’re BOTH speaking the SAME language.  Too many relationships experience death by resentment and resentment is created when people are NOT speaking the same language. 


To identify your own communication style as well as your partner’s communication style and to learn how to ask for what you want and need in a clean and clear way please register your interest for the FREE webinar coming soon!


(add link here to register for evenbrite webinar)

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© 2020 by Wala Truscott. 

My Friend Kate Pty Ltd
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 Adelaide, South Australia