WHY DO SOME MEN STRUGGLE TO LOVE DEEPLY?

Maybe you're the guy who's been single for years. You've had relationships, they just don't last. Three months in, she pulls away. Six months in, it fizzles. And you're left wondering what the fuck you're doing wrong.

You're not doing anything wrong. You're just operating with a blueprint that sabotages intimacy before it gets deep.

This is my final post about Brodie's death. But it's also my beginning—the work his loss ignited in me for 2026.

Brodie loved me in a way most men can't.

But it wasn't natural for him. As I shared in my "Letting Him Go" blog, he had to teach himself with guidance from others and years of continual love and support from me and his friends.

Last night was New Year's Eve (2025). No midnight kiss. No party. No champagne. Just 24 hours of ugly crying and realising shit I wish I'd understood sooner.

Brodie's death showed me something I hadn't fully appreciated about men and relationships. It's been my biggest mirror. It helped me see why what I say to men doesn't always land the way I intend, and why some men struggle to fully show up 'as love', not in love.

His passing has given me the missing pieces. And with them, a deeper understanding of men and how they love and love itself.

The men who struggle most to show up and love women deeply aren't bad men.

They're good men. But there's something that stops them from showing up.

Of course, many factors come into play here. But one that stands out now? If they were raised by manipulative mothers and women, their relationship with love, women, and communication is just confusing for them as adults. Rightly so.

These boys grow up trying to love women—but they don't know how.

Because nobody ever taught them the difference between responding and reacting. Between protection and control. Between love and obligation. Between communication and manipulation.

As boys, they never get it right. What they do is never good enough. And, they're always doubting themselves.

Brodie openly shared that he didn't understand love and never did. I witnessed him do the work. Supporting him through years of tears, breakdowns, disappointments, and confusion was an absolute honour, it's what cemented our relationship and us.

Watching him become a man who could love me without conditions changed everything about how I see men and how they love. But it also showed me how he battled with demons. He wanted to love fully, he desperately wanted to but something always held him back from letting love all the way in.

What Manipulative Mothers/Women Teach Boys

Let me be clear: I'm not talking about all mothers or all women.

I'm talking about the ones who can't let their sons/boys grow up without controlling or shaming them.

The ones who pick favourites in families. Who go out of their way to create chaos and disguise it as concern. Who lie to people's faces but get offended by the truth. Who create stories to suit their narrative.

The ones who play innocent but are guilty. Who value money and status more than their family. Who plays the victim and villain at the same time. All wise having a public persona that butter wouldn't melt in their mouth.

The ones are scared of women who can love authentically and freely without weaponising it.

These mothers/women teach their boys that:

"Love = control" If she loves you, she gets to dictate your choices, your time, your life. Teaching men that love can't be trusted.

And then you spend your adult life wondering why every woman you date eventually feels like your mum. Surprise, it's because you're repeating the pattern.

"Closeness = enmeshment" Real intimacy means no boundaries. If you need space, you don't really love her. Teaching men that loving means you're insecure.

"Affection = push-pull" Love is withdrawn when you don't comply. Warmth is conditional. You never know where you stand. Teaching men that love comes with conditions.

Stability feels boring because chaos feels like love. Let that sink in.

"Protection = reaction" You don't respond thoughtfully, you react defensively. You're always on guard. Teaching men that if a woman has needs, you're the problem.

"Loyalty = guilt" If you prioritise anyone else (a partner, your own needs), you're betraying your mother. Teaches men that your needs are not as important as hers.

Fucking exhausting, right?

And then these boys become men. Some turn into good men. Men who desperately want to love women well.

But they don't know how. Because everything they were taught about love was manipulation disguised as devotion. So, you trained to play games and you don't even know it, it's normal for you.

Where Are All The Good Men?! They're Everywhere!

Good men are fucking everywhere. But nobody taught them how to talk to women without shutting down, blowing up, or checking out. So yeah, their communication is screwed. And they don't even know it.

I meet too many good men who love their partners but can't connect deeply and they actually want to.

Men who react to conflict instead of responding to it because reaction was how they survived growing up. They had to keep their mothers happy or else there were consequences. And this stays with them as adults.

Men who confuse intensity with intimacy. Because chaos feels like love to them.

Men who sabotage healthy relationships because stability feels foreign. Unsafe. There's something wrong when there's not something wrong.

Men who shut down emotionally because vulnerability was weaponised against them as boys.

They're not broken. They're trained.

Like a dog who flinches when you raise your hand not because you're going to hit them, but because someone else did. And now they can't tell the difference between love and danger.

They just know something's not working. They want to love her. They want to do better. But they don't know what "better" looks like because they've never seen it modelled.

You know what's wild?

Most men don't even realise they're doing this. They just know their relationships keep falling apart or doesn't get a second date and they have no idea why.

And no, reading a book about emotional intelligence won't fix this. Trust me.

You need real-time feedback from someone who actually gives a shit about you. Someone who'll call you on your patterns without making you feel like a piece of shit for having them.

You can't self-reflect when you're in survival mode. You need safety first. You need to know someone has your back before you can look at the stuff you've been avoiding.

In 2026 I want to help men...

I've always worked with men. Honestly? I love it. It’s hilarious and so much fun!

Because I can talk about sex or blow jobs like I am ordering a coffee. No therapy speak. No walking on eggshells. Just no bullshit added straight-talk that actually helps and makes sense.

I see the good men who are sabotaging their relationships without meaning to. Who love their partners or men stuck swiping on dating apps but can't figure out why it's not working.

I will teach you what opens and closes a woman's heart in a healthy way not a manipulative one. How to build stability instead of chaos. How to love women deeply, protectively, without games.

Not from theory or finger pointing. From lived experience. From the heartbreak. From the truth.

One of my recent clients said:

"Wala is the best coach I've ever had. I'm now in a committed relationship and I finally understand how to connect with women without losing myself."

All but one of my male clients are now in long-term loving relationships.

Good men who can't love deeply aren't choosing to be that way. They just don't know there's another option.

If This Is You...

If you're a good man who's been single for years and can't figure out why relationships never stick, this might be why. Or maybe you're in a relationship that's falling apart and you don't know how to fix it.

I'm not here to fix you, there's nothing wrong with you. I'm here to give you open hearted perspective with a shit ton of love and compassion about what you're doing that's not serving you. And then let you decide if you want to keep doing it.

Let's both start 2026 with a fresh slate. Let me help you stop reacting. Stop repeating the same patterns and wondering why nothing changes.

Get this sorted and the sex will get hotter! That's just cream on the cake. I meant that exactly how it sounded too.

Reach out. I'm here. Don't do another year of swiping or hoping!

BOOK A 15 MINUTE CALL