Updated: Aug 16
I want someone who chooses me but, it's never guaranteed until death...
Those who know me personally are very well aware that I was put on the path of wanting to know more about love, sex and relationships – that was a direct result of not only how abrupt but also how BRUTAL the breakup of my intimate relationship was for me.
Relationships are not about staying together 'forever', and just because a relationship ends, it doesn't mean it failed! Sometimes, the most loving thing to do is to let the ‘idea’ of your relationship go because you know you're no longer suited.
Sacrificing your life, your happiness and your integrity because you don't want to hurt other people eventually will only hurt yourself. I do, however, believe a relationship is about truth, firstly, to yourself.
I by no means want to say relationships are easy… because that would be bullsh!t. Relationships, even with friends, family and colleagues, come with many different sets of circumstances and barriers depending on the type of connection you have.
The power of surrendering to destiny: What's outside of your control?
You can never control what is just around the corner for you in life. So, letting go of 'till death do us part' is the first step to being truly authentic to yourself and your partner by staying focused on the here and now.
It is being truly committed to having f*cking awkward conversations (even if it hurts), facing the truth (even if it hurts), having the courage to sit through the process of emotions when you need change (even if it hurts and is scary), being supportive when your partner is processing fears and trauma (not being abusive), being brave to the point of choosing to express authentically even at the risk that you may lose this person is what to me is what love is.
We often clasp tightly onto the feel-goods of lust, illusions, ideals, fantasies, sexual connection and getting swept up with what you WANT to happen in a relationship, which is fine but it's also usually very short-lived. But those who do the hard work by seeking to understand and desire depth, growth, passion, honour and devotion will also respect that relationships are not guaranteed. And if you have to let a person go so that you both can find more depth and love, you will be able to open-heartedly and lovingly end things without traumatising and crippling another person simply because you've sold them a false bill of goods of 'till death do us part'.
If you have to end a relationship in a way that is abso-f*cking-lutely damaging and brutal and your action ruthlessly traumatises someone, then honestly, you are choosing to be cruel. In reality, some people would literally avoid having an honest and respectful conversation with their partners; consequently, the other person usually blames themselves because you couldn't handle the heat of your own f*cking choices so you lie, cheat or gaslight your partner. That is the very definition of a f*cktard.
Consider talking about breaking up at the beginning of a relationship this will create safety so that you agree on how/what you both need so you can be loving and open-hearted even when it hurts.
This way, you know your partner is CHOOSING to stay with you instead of feeling obligated. Knowing your partner chooses you every day is beautiful because there are no 'hooks'; they are free to leave whenever they wish.
Closure VS Completion
Remember: When a relationship ends, you don’t need closure because that’s actually called completion. If a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean the relationship has failed. Instead, it means this relationship is meant to end at this point in life, which is okay – you have to accept this fact. Truthfully, surrendering to destiny is the most powerful thing you can do in your life because although we are supposed to be proactive and take action, life is ten times easier when you also believe in fatalism, especially when it comes to your love life. So, it’s time to stop resisting the plan of your destiny & start surrendering to it and accepting what has already happened.
By the way, if you carefully think about it, you will realise that although some relationship should end, every relationship is actually very valuable and meaningful – your ex definitely brought tremendous value to your life during this relationship. So, why not focus on the positive aspect of the journey by asking 'what did you learn about yourself'?!
Nothing is guaranteed but don't be a f*cktard!