top of page


How we cultivate erotic touching in a relationship is highly dependent on what happens OUTSIDE of the bedroom, more than what happens in it.

The biggest mistake people make is random touching. What this does is decrease what touch feels like inside the bedroom. It's a bit like eating chocolate - if you eat it all day, every day, it's hard to appreciate it when you want to enjoy it.

So, if your partner constantly has their inner-thighs grabbed, neck kissed, breast groped, unwanted public displays of affection, or their butt slapped or pinched, while you might think it's playful and fun, it's more like a not-so-subtle attempt to turn them on and say, "Hey, I want to have sex" or "I find you attractive." But you're creating sexual obligation, and potentially you're treating your partner like an object which will create resentment. There are so many other ways to show that you find your partner attractive than slapping them on the arse unexpectedly and even for a moment thinking that this kind of behaviour will deepen your intimacy.

There are four outcomes to touch and how it is felt in the body, and you must know that two are well received, and two aren't, and they are:

  • relaxed (sensual)

  • aroused (excited)

  • slightly repelled (annoyed)

  • entirely repulsed (turned off)

Resentment builds quickly, and disinterest in sex will increase when someone's body is enduring or tolerating touch that isn't relaxing or arousing. And, what is relaxing or arousing to you doesn't mean your partner's body will feel the same way.

How you touch your partner inside the bedroom will be contaminated by how you touch your partner outside of the bedroom because if your partner has been 'enduring or tolerating' touch it will make it a lot harder to appreciate and enjoy sexy times. It's extremely important that you understand that how men and women receive relaxed or arousing touch is completely different because of our nervous systems and hormonal levels. For a lot of people going straight for the genital is completely off-putting but if that's all you know how to do because that's what arouses your body I would highly suggest you learn more or listen more!!!

A good, slow, passionate and purposeful kiss can be much more of a turn-on than groping like a horny teenager who hasn't learned a thing along the way.

We're not taught to touch and you can learn how to so that your hands will feel confident and will never have to guess or wonder.

Big hugs and big loves,


Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page