How understanding pizza helps you understand your relationship...

Updated: Jan 16

What five things make a pizza mouthwatering?

And, when one part of the pizza lacks, you'll definitely know. Here is how you can understand what step of your 'RELATIONSHIP PIZZA' may need some love and attention:

Here are the 5-key things that make a fantastic piping hot relationship or pizza that is delicious, morish and unbutton your pants satisfying!!!

1) The Base = Communication;

2) The Sauce = Chemistry;

3) Toppings = Clarity;

4) Cheese = Connection;

5) Anchovies are optional = Conflict/Change;

If any one of these things are not up to par, you will undoubtedly know, and it changes the entire experience from something that could be exactly what you want or something that is... it's OK, it'll do, but it's not great!

Every pizza needs a good base because this foundation that needs to hold and support all the ingredients. It can be crispy thin or thick cut but it has one job to do and it needs to be done well.

The base (the communication) needs to be consistent; it can't be dry and equally, it can't be overly sloppy either or everything will end up in your lap. The pizza base although made of quite simple ingredients it must be reliable and supportive; without it, you don't have a pizza - well, not an enjoyable one.

Next, we have the sauce (the chemistry) and come on, let's be honest here people, we all like it a little bit saucy...(winky face) ;-). The quality of the sauce is what comes into play here. If the sauce is too watery, it will be tasteless while making the base soggy; if it's too intense, it will be overpowering and albeit strong in flavour but not complimentary. It's about finding the balance between quality and intensity.

What's a pizza without toppings (clarity of within yourself). Now, the good thing about pizza is you can pick and choose to cater to what you want. The pizza is only determined by what you put on it: you can have a breakfast pizza with eggs and bacon or a dessert pizza with Nutella and bananas and everything in between. The toppings don't have to be the same on both sides. But, without saying what you want on your pizza, you're going to end up with someone else's choices. The menu is endless and with experience we change and want to try different flavours, that's what makes pizza so delicious and versatile.

The cheese (the connection) is what makes pizza so gratifying; without it, is it even a pizza?! Eating pizza without cheese is just weird and I would imagine annoying and tasteless. It is the cheese that is what holds all the ingredients together so you can devour this uniquely ordered to your liking, satisfying piping hot slice of absolute deliciousness.

Last but not least, the anchovies (conflict and change). Yes, I know some people love anchovies, and that's great - go nuts, own it, eat them and enjoy them. But if you don't like anchovies - you will know if someone is trying to slip those hairy little fish under the cheese because something will taste funky as f*ck! It's not about the anchovies; it's about owning that you want them, without sneaking them onto your partners side. Anchovies are not the enemy but if you don't handle them well, they become a problem. #slippingtheanchovies

The ugly truth about the anchovies:

When you're not able to have those awkward conversations or say 'I want' or 'I need', you're probably being manipulative, which can also look like politeness or telling yourself that you're a giving to your partner. Not being able to know who the anchovies are for truly is what creates the confusion, kills the spark, breaks down the communication and usually strips the toppings down to bare basics because there's no safety around trying new things as something is funky. Your body gives you signals when someone is slipping the anchovies!!!

Now, let's talk about ordering this delicious pizza.

Would you ring up your local independent pizza parlour and say:

  • "Hello, it's Sally. Just put whatever you want on it and whatever side, I'm easy."

  • "Hey, it's Samuel. I want what you want; when you're happy, I'm happy; that's what gets me off."

No... You wouldn't because it's unreasonable for the pizza parlour to guess and if they get it wrong, NO ONE is going to be happy - not them or you. What if they rocked up with a party size (enough to feed 20 people) seafood pizza with chilli, and he was met at the door by two people who hated seafood, would you be annoyed, frustrated or unsatisfied by their efforts? Remember: The pizza shop relies on good reviews, repeat business and happy customers - well, your relationship is the same.

Moral of the story:

One part of the pizza is no more important than another. Each one plays a role in how satisfying the pizza will be. If you can see the relevance of the necessary steps required to make a damn good pizza, then I want to help you translate that into your relationship.

If you can be direct, transparent, open and honest with the local pizza parlour and order the exact pizza you want with conviction, then let's get super clear when ordering your mouthwatering relationships. Your partner wants to please you, so don't make them guess - this isn't always easy, I'm here to teach you how.

If you are able to articulate precisely what hotness out of ten you want your chillies, then image how hot you can make your relationship too - hubba hubba!

There is a but... when you order from your pizza parlour, what gets those rave reviews and repeat business is their ability to deliver EXACTLY what was ordered. And, if they do mess up (because we sometimes do) that particular order will never be mouthwatering/delicious - intimacy is the same. The key is to ask for what you want, have it be heard and delivered piping hot hot hot exactly to order!!!


After studying and teaching sexuality for so many years, I've simplified the five critical pillars of a relationship:

1. COMMUNICATION (THE PIZZA BASE) - I'll show you how to pull apart and play with the difference between giving and receiving & why it's essential to know and understand the actual difference. Then we'll unpack how to ask for what you want, what is a gift to your partner and what is a gift for you. We'll address what stops us from doing communicating both cleanly and clearly, and all the funky things we do instead to get our needs met #slippingtheanchovies.

2. CHEMISTRY (THE PIZZA SAUCE) - Ohh lah lah!!! You will learn how to dance with polarity and what cultivates erotic friction in a fun, flirty and authentic to you way. There's a cliche of 'losing the spark'. You haven't lost it; you may need to dust off or practise how to access some flavours you've forgotten or some new one that you want to try on for fun. High-quality sexual chemistry starts with some super, playful and straightforward practices, without being FAKE.

3. CLARITY (THE PIZZA TOPPINGS) - Toppings will change as your tastes and desires change and grow, and so they should. We will go through ways for you to be able to get clear on who you are, what you need and want with as much clarity as you do with your local pizza parlour telling them how many chillies out of ten.

4. CONNECTION (THE CHEESE) - Without the cheese, the topping is going to fall off the pizza - touch and pleasure are the same in an intimate relationship. I can teach skills about how to touch with purpose and connection in mind that will take your private play to a whole new level. Understanding how to relax the body and the nervous system by how we connect through touch is the key to pleasuring. Let's learn the differences and stop enduring/tolerating and start getting confident by touching with purpose.

5. CONFLICT (THE ANCHOVIES) - Over time you will practise and fine-tune new skills, and it will take time. But in the meantime, you will hit some bumps in the road, and all good relationships need some bumps. Some will see this as complicated, and others will see those bumps (awkward conversations, conflict and confusion) as opportunities. Opportunities to witness your relationship grow and change by supporting each other's experiences and journeys as an honour. Some will be honest and own what they want, and others will be slipping the anchovies!

What part of your relationship pizza would you like to know more about? Comment below with any questions and I'll answer you personally.

Happy spicy pepperoni people...winks*